By Deidre Freitas — As a teen, I perfected my own version of the Irish goodbye. Moving around a lot and not expecting to stay in contact with any of my friends, because distance and time were both things none of us expected to be impacted by us the way that it, inevitably, did. And so as the school year ended and I left for the fourth time, moving across the state, I said a half-hearted goodbye to those who saw me leave the parking lot, and radio silence to the rest. 

But leaving isn’t the same as forgetting. Just because you leave with a “clean break” from a place doesn’t mean you don’t remember the movie nights, cruises along the highway (because there was little else to do in rural Nebraska) and parking-lot vent sessions about boys, school and our parents. 

It’s Not What You Thought It Would Be by Lizzy Stewart is a poignant reminder of the friendships we form, how we can lose them, and how we reminisce about those unique times in our lives. We find each other as schoolmates or coworkers or at coffee shops.

The novel features nine different snapshots of time between groups of women, showing life as a young girl to a teen to young women, trying to piece together what their life is, instead of the grandiose dreams they had as little girls. But just because they aren’t where they dreamed of, doesn’t mean they aren’t happy in where they’ve found themselves. I found this theme comforting, a reminder that just because our lives aren’t where we want them, we can still find happiness in who we are now. 

And even as some characters question their lives and who they’ve become, it’s fleeting. The late night questions we ask ourselves as we stare into the bathroom mirror, wondering how we can be expected to maintain a certain “womanly” air. Not only do these stories show us friendship, they show us the challenges of being a woman in the world. Between co-workers asking us why we never wear make-up, or being kind to strange men on bus rides home, we have to present ourselves a certain way. So many moments in a day to experience the best and worst of life, all reminding us our experiences are comfortingly not as unique as we thought. 

It’s especially reassuring for something like this to exist, a story about little girls being delightfully funny, sarcastic and kind all-in-one. Reading this and seeing myself in the art and the writing sounds so simple but it means so much. Seeing stories about twenty-somethings just trying to live their lives and reminiscing their childhoods, well, it feels good. Lizzy Stewart reminds us life doesn’t end with a job or a relationship or a degree, but those things are a supplement. We can pave our paths with those things, but they aren’t essential to our happiness.

Time passes and we may be different people, but the spark of friendship that helped us find each other is still there, buried beneath years and distance and petty squabbles. I found the stories about the two women particularly relatable. Starting as young girls walking an old woman’s dog, to two teens finding solace on a rooftop, and finally as wedding guests at a mutual friend’s wedding, nearly estranged from each other but not their memories, it’s painfully realistic. 

I can’t be alone in wondering where past friends have gone, what they’re doing now and how they’re faring in the world. Stewart writes all the what-ifs and shows us what it's like to reconnect and to discover that sometimes the person we remember is just that— a memory. Both people in the friendship remember things differently, or even how their relationship fizzled out. One friend stayed stagnant in their hometown while the other left to see the world. Claiming no resentment, all the while making snide comments about the other’s life. 

It’s hard to reconcile that someone you once spent everyday with could turn into a complete stranger. But sometimes our friendships end, and I find those almost harder to get over than any ex-anything. 

But the novel ends on a high note, giving us a glimmer of hope that these two after all these years might rekindle their friendship. They are different people, because time has a funny way of remolding us into new versions of ourselves. But they still have that first spark, the indescribable draw to want to laugh and tease and chat together. 

Friendships grow and change and sometimes they end, but at their peak they are some of the best relationships a person can have in the world. 

I keep returning to the same thought: I’ve never read a graphic novel quite like this one, and I wish I had had something similar as a teen. This story held my hand, even as it hurt to remember the lowest of lows of adolescence. Because even in the low points, there were highs around the horizon, we all just have to have a bit of patience. Lizzy Stewart has created a collection of stories that hit the right blend of nostalgia, retrospection and heart-wrenching truthfulness to the ways we grow up. It’sNot What You Thought It Would Be is right, because life rarely turns out the way we expect. But there’s beauty in realizing that it doesn't matter where you end up, just that you lived along the way.

Graphic Novel Review: It’s Not What You Thought It Would Be 

It’s Not What You Thought It Would Be 
Writer/Artist: Lizzy Stewart 
Publisher: Fantagraphic Books, Inc.
Price: $24.99
A young girl imagines a grand future for herself, far from the drab British suburbs. Two friends, once inseparable, find their connection gradually slipping away. Three women discuss how life in the big city makes them feel seen — or invisible. In a series of interconnected vignettes, It's Not What You Thought It Would Be explores the circuitous paths lives can take and the changes in perspective gained along the way.
Publication Date: July 27, 2021
More Info: It’s Not What You Thought It Would Be

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Deidre Freitas is a pop culture lover and resident theatre kid who’s sometimes funny on Twitter as @deidrefrittatas.